A Reason

Once sitting on a floor of wash room . While smoking a cig, I was given something. It had no physical form, no smell. I was given the well being of another living person. This was a trust given to me at such a young age. By a girl , I knew only threw legend. And even after battering this trust until it was sediment in my heart, its still there. And now i know that it is what I was meant to do. To learn some people are chosen for great things. Great thoughts and Ideas, to help people find a new way to think. And some are chosen to walk behind them, to give me them strength so they accomplish the things they are here to do . My charge leaves me soon, but only for a moment in the timeline of our lives. So I have to take this moment to prepare. To ready myself for one of the many things I am meant to do . Even though I might not seem like i am excited. This is one of the things that will be one of the greatest highlights of my life. Even though it is only one of the great many things that i am meant to do , it is also one of the majestic. Becuase even kings need someone to take care of them. So while my charge prepares himself, to better this earth in a way only he was chosen to fulfil. I must make the trust presented to me many moons ago, and make whole once more. I must also make my heart a temple where it can flourish. No one else can live anothers destiny. So with this i leave you with these thoughts. What does Destiny need you to do.

Refesh

To light the aura of the new, skin of snake and chrysalis too. To indicate the fresh reborn, tumbleweed and rosebush thorn. An egg that means the life to come. Take this, oh spirit, and my spell is done.


Wouldn't it be grand , if we could just chant our woes away. Even as a Initiate in to the Mysteries, and firm believer of the blessings of the three faced mother.Such leaps of faith would be optimistic to the point of insanity.I have hit the bottom. Ya know, were the rocks live. I have decided to hide away for a while, untili can get my life back on track. I am 19 and every time things go askew, I am forced to look at the mess and figure out what i did wrong. This has happened three times since i was 17. And i think i have learned enough from these last trails, that on my next try i should be able to spot and contain the problem. Being an adult is hard, sometimes to the point tears. I know i sometimes use an rude arrogance to protect myself. I even use feelings people have for me, to make them suffer. I wonder were in my life I learned these cruel methods of coercion. But there is a point when a person must accept certain things about himself, and work to prevent the evilness. So when I start the sentence" not to be rude."I have to stop, since accidental rudeness occurs so often. Its sometimes best not to say anything at all. In the past couple of weeks i have done things that good people dont do. I have played around with people who have boyfriends. I have helped pushed a loved one backwards. So that he must start again. So in starting over I hope i can help myself help others. Becuase please believe karma is a bitch.

At a loss for words

Oh My God ! Louis is losing it. I know i had something to do with it. And I am kicking myself, because I knew something like this was gonna happen. I have been trying to decipher codes for the last 2 weeks. Someone I love , who I know Loves me. Tell me that he can't imagine his life without me. But doesn't know where to put me in it. And then in return I make him feel bad about not being able to make up his mind. Louis, we will always be. But now your hurting and im hurting. You have just got to decide because it will help all things involved.If you want to have some kind of romantic relationship with me, that would make me the happiest man in the world. But if that isn't what ya want, then so be it i will suck it up and be there for you like the ShaSha can. But it makes me sick to see you this way. So you decide how you want me to be there and ill be there. Just know that i do love you , even though u think your not worth it. And if me having to just finally get over it, to make it better for you Louis. I can give it a honest effort. I I just need ya to talk to me.

Concerned Cohorts

Sometimes I wish I could just laugh at poeple who act insane when it comes to matters of the heart. But having just recently looked foolish becuase i had something to say, makes me not want to do that any more or suffer the rath of people labeled under the name of Hipocracy. I sometimes think I enable of friend of mine to hurt himself. But being just a friend to him I feel that with all the wisdom he has, he knows when to hold them and when to fold them. Its just hard to try and correct people who have taught you not to do the things they are doing. I love my friend. And i really only have his best interests at heart. Are relationship is undefinable. But thats ok , becuase from personal expiernce. It is forever, in some way shape or form it will always be. This makes me happy. Whatever shape or form it takes in the future. So friend you have to do what makes you happy. SO GET IT TOGETHER LOVE! Just know im here to help you no matter what. If it helping you start something new, or stopping something old. So Kisses LUCKY. See ya soon.

The Pricess Grooms Goodbye

I started blogging in a darkened hospital room. Watching someone I love fading in and out of reality. We used blogging to comunicate to each other, during times of turmoil we created for ourselves. Even though we have once again fond each other. I fear that what we found , is not the same as what we lost. So Louis I write this last blog to you. When you rightfully removed me from your life I forced myself to wonder why. I saw that even I wouldn't keep someone in my life that hurt me over and over again. I returned from San Antonio broken. And as soon as I saw you, I knew that the feeling i had for you never vanished during our time apart. It only hide itself deep inside. And I even remember the comment you made a couple weeks after my arrival. "I think if all that stuff that dj did, had not have happened. We would will still be together." And I think that trying so hard to pretend I didn't want that really hurt alot of things. My nature is, that if I feel you still felt the same way about me. I would fight like I did the first time around. You are nothing short of extraordinary. And a star to boot. But I can't chase a shooting star any longer. When you came to see me at work. And we started anew, I thought to myself " can you do it shane. Can you just be a friend right now." And I have admit defeat. There is something about you that will always make me wanna fight for you. I think its becuase when I look into your eyes, I see one of the most amazing souls that I have ever seen. You told me that we needed to be selfish. And truth be told, that having someone I love being forced to make a choice between someone they might want to make a life with, and someone they just want in there life isn't fair. And I believe you deserve better than that. I have a long ways to go , in the process of improving my life. And having that ache in my heart, while watching you and your new one, is nothing but counterproductive to that. And your not blame. You can't help who you grow feeling for. But you do have the power to stop something that is starting to become destructive to ones well being. And I am proud to say that I loved someone, that improved the quality of there life so much. And I hope i can take some of the better points of that positive reconstruction with me. I am really sorry it didn't work out like we hoped for. And I hope that your not to upset with my Idealism. Kisses sexy, and be good.

When you least expect it ...

They say love comes to those of us, who least expect it. Maybe thats why its all ways so stressful. You have no preperation, for something that always changes the course of your life. I say this, not because i have found my hearts other half. But because I read and see so many friends of mine going threw this. Watching them struggle to keep themselves together, while this mystic force runs craziness all over there life. I have lost a friend today to this sinister effigy. He has gotten so lost, that he can't even control his anger towards those who love him. Ill miss him alot. But i can't help him any more. There is nothing that i can do. And it hurts me, that he was so weak he couldn't choose reason over madness. But any ways, its happened again. Some how no matter how muchI fight with a certain person that comes in and out of my life, it always ends the same. With us chain smoking and laughing. We discuss what we did, why we do it. And how brilliant our battle plans were against each other. I love this guy. And it is a love that has changed. No longer is it that wich blossoms between lovers. But that which blossoms among brothers. I respect him, for his noble works. While I have choosen to believe that there is nothing else i could learn from him. This is just not the case. His first lessons to me . Was basics on how to organize my own brilliant plans. Now he teaches me that some times having the will power to not seek revenge. Can be so much sweeter to the soul. Even though i planned to live my life without him. Its nice to know he will make guest appearnces here and there.

You wanna what on my what ?

Wow ! I just never knew what kinda crazy people , frequent there local service station. There is a extreme amount of closet cases in the west ashley area. And kinda think they have a newsletter. "Come try your luck, at the pantry." I started a tally sheet, for straight bois who hit on me. So far im up to 26, i've collected 16 numbers, wich they write on the back of brown paper bags. Itsso funny watchin them come in at differnt times at night. Looking around casually to make sure im the only one there. But im proud, i've only hooked up with one. And he was just hot. Brown hair, blue eyes, 5'11. I mean, what would any queer do. Its actually nice getting all this attention. Its even got to the point, where they leave numbers for me, with my girls who work the day shift. So i went out for the first time in forever. I went to the lesbian bar. I didn't get out till like 3in the morning. I arrive and i just have to say being the prettiest guy there is sometimes just over rated. SO i get a drink , and head for the dance floor. Once i get there I se a transy still this mans belt and just assault him with it. She beat his ass. Its was not the show i was hoping for. But it worked. Then out of no where this midget, comes running at me. I mean a real life we person. She tells me, how hot i am . And that she wants to have my baby. At this point shock takes over. She latches herself to my leg , and just hangs on for dear life. I begin to scream for help. So the manager comes and saves me. Invites me to join him in the dj booth. He then informs me, that this particular midget had assaulted astripper earlier. He gets me another drink, and then places his hands on my ass. And thenmy dick. Who knew that this was treatment for shock. What a night. I think ill just stick with my coffee shops, book stores, and coven gatherings. Becuase these people are just crazy.